so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
