I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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