Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't turn off my feet"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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