so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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