these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
