i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
