ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
