found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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