I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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