Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
