so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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