My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
