You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
