Sponge bath it is.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
