I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
