I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
