Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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