i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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