Quick, to the slutcave!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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