is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
