I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
