Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
