There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
