I puked a lego.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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