hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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