You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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