my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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