new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
