I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
