Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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