he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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