Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize