Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
