I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
