after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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