Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
