I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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