Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
