Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
