I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
