I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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