take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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