i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
