I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
