That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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