The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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