Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
