I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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