I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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