If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
