Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
