The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
