we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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