My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
