i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
