remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
