you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
