So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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