I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
