There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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