Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
