my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
