What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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