I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
