I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
