just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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