I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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