The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
